The Fuckass Adventures Of Karkat Vantas
by skullizard
Summary: Your roommate is a pothead. Your matesprit is a fat. Your friend wears blue weave and your other friend wears purple weave. Also, you keep throwing Nepeta out the window. You like to get it poppin. Your name is Karkat Vantas and this is your adventure. DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT A DEFLATED THINKPAN. [ HUMANSTUCK ]
1. Chapter 1

You fuckasses ready? k.

* * *

In a AU that has nothing to do with houseTrap, there lives this teenage boy named Karkat Vantas whose life Is a a total fuckass. His apartment is a fuckass. His roommate is a fuckass. His toilet is a fuckass. His cat is a fuckass. Everything, including the entire fabric of the universe...is a fuckass.

He wakes up and storms into Gamzee's room because he was mad cause Gamzee was smoking too much pot and he didn't share non with the Karkat. So the Karkat slaps him so hard that his clown makeup went sideways on his face, and he was like " Gamzee, you jugallo shit, you didn't share your pot with me!1!1! FUCKASS"

Gamzee was like " sorry bro, there isn't anymore MoThErFuCkIn' pot"

He flipped his shit and drank some orange juice and then flipped his shit again.

" GAMZEE THIS IS WHY YOUTR A FUCKASD. YOU ALWAYS SMOKING UP POT"

Him and Gamzee got breakfast and ate. He was still mad at him cuz he kept smoking pot and not share any pot.

This everyday happens everyday.

( get it? They smoke pot because this is a humanstuck. So it's canon )

**SCHOOL:**

Sollux was waiting for karkat and gamzee to come. Karkat twerk across the street. _**Gamzee was from last night**_.

Sollux was a fat.  
He liked eat Doritos.  
And has PMS.

But that okay, because it's totally **in character**.

Karkat slapped Sollux **Captorjesus** for being a fuckass and Sollux and Gamzee followed Karkat in class because all 3 three of them were really close friends, despite having different classes and the teacher did not give a damn because **SHE TOO WAS ALSO SMOKING POT**. Except for Eridan, who they call Desperation Man, because hebhated smoking pot.

Since this is a Human!stuck, Eridan cannot fill his cod damn quadrants and smoke pot because it's coanon. stfu.

And Feferi is fat. ( That's my headcanon shut the fuck up )

Eridan was like " I hate Sollux so much "

" Glub lub lub glub " replied feferi.

" I WANT HIM DEAD " he scream so loud that everyone heard in class, but nobody cared because, hell, **THEY ALL WERE SMOKING POT**.

( STFU it's a humanstock so it's CAMNON TO SMOKE POT _**GOSH!**_ )

Don't letme repeat myself. **OAY**.

At lunch time, Vriska pushed Tavros down the stairs. Gamzee and Karkat walked pass them anyways and Sollux was far behind because he was fat.

They shit at their lunch tables. Sollux was too fat to fit in his seat.

They went to get their lunch and Sollux ATE EVERYTHING.**  
**

**" This food is fuckass", said Karkat.  
**

**" I mean, they don't even have enough fuckass".**

**John and Dave nodded in agreement because they were their friends too.**

**" Karkat, you need to lay off the fuckass don't you think?" adviced John.**

**" No, Fuckass, I'm perfectly fine with my fuckass, fuckass" he replied back, with a bag of weed in his hand.  
**

**And ho shit, Sollux's fatass wanted to say something," Pot ii2th cool"**

**And they all were like " YAY POT".**

**Okay, then, fuckass, i what I'm writing.**

**tAVROS came along.**

" hey...Uh...can I have...Uh...Uh...uH...uH...U UuH uH...UH...UH...uh...some pot too?"

Thay all said no because Tavros was a lame ho.

**(HEADCANON)**

**Cliffhanger. **


	2. bETTER love story than twilit

Sollux is still a fat.

AT NIGHT:

Collegestuck was a tit.

So karkat was tired.

He didn't work on his essay tonight and Gamzee was smoking pot in his room.

He fell asleep and someone in the middle of night around 12:35 sent him a text. He woke up on text and checks his phone.

It was from Sollux.

Text:

Kk can ii talk wiith you?

Karkat:

SURE FUCKASS. WHAT'S WRONG.

Sollux:

Kk ii crey 2o hard

Ii no longer be fat and iits hard two lose thii2 weiight.

Karkat:

YOU TRIED JENNY CRAIG?

Sollux:

Kk ii triied everythiing!

Sollux:

can you plea2e come over?

Karkat:

FUCKASS IT'S LATE

Sollux:

Plea2e kk!

Karkat:

...OKAY.

* * *

So karkat got dress. His friend needed him.

Gamzee wakes up to see karkat leaving. He was so high.

" karbro where you motherfuckin' goin at this time. Lets smoke some motherfuckin weed bro"

" no fuckass! Sollux needs me. I'll smoke with you later. Remember to feed nepeta while I'm out"

He leaves.

He makes it to sollux's home. Sollux answer the door with tears in his eyes. He hugs karkat and invites him in.

" kk I'm tho happy you came. I'm jutht tho depresth. I hate being me tho much. Feferi hates me now. And ED keepsth calling me fat"

He cray.

" Fuckass..." karkat holds him. " I think your fucking beautiful..."

" kk...will you be my boyfriend?"

" yes...fuckass".

They make out.

CLIFFHANGER.


	3. Chapter 3

that night, karkat stayed the night and slept with Sollux. Gamzee at home smoking pot with nepeta.  
( remember she's his pet cat )

Karkat left from Sollux's place to go back to his apartment, overjoyed that he now has a boyfriend. He sees Vriska pushing tavros into the street. Car crashes everywhere. He ignores it and continues walking home. When he got home, he sees nepeta eating her food. Karkat is glad that gamzee fed her.  
( lol, she had the munchies )

„ Karbro, you're back. I mOtHeRfUcKiN' hope you ain't mad that I broke the toilet".

" No gamzee. I got better news"

" we gonna smoke more motherfuckin' pot?"

" NO YOU STUPID FUCKASS"he slaps gamzee." We gonna celebrate and throw a party"

" I GOT NEW A BOYFRIEND FOCKASS!"

Gamzee fell over the couch. Nepeta jumped out the window. Car crashes everywhere.

" holy shit karbro thats motherfuckin sweet. I'll get faygo and pie for party"

" I'll get decoration."

" I'll get weed from motherfuckin' drug dealer on block" said gamzee leaving to get a shitload of pot for the party.

AT PARTY:

Everyone was there to come to the party. Vriska, Feferi, John, Dave, Jake, Tavros, everyone. ENCLUDING EQUIUS, THEIR GHETTO FRIEND WHO LIKES TO POP A LOT OF SHIT.  
HE HAS B100 HIGHLIGHTS IN HIS WEAVE.

Then Sollux came.  
He came with big bag of Dorito.  
Karkat happy.  
He run and kiss boyfriend.

And Karkat favorite song came on.  
It was Willow Smith's song.  
He loved to whip his hair back and forth.

John was being a douche bag though. He was not a fan of that song. So karkat through him out the window.

He was like " hypocritical fuckass, you no like the song. He don't join party. I whip my fuck. I whip my ass. I whip my fuck and ass, fuckass" and he threw bag weed at the john.

( that was a total headcanon.)

And next he through tavros out the window because he was a lame ho.

Car crashes everywhere. Canon.

Karkat went back to finish whipping his hair back and forth. But equius was whipping it better with his blue extensions.

Party was good.  
Until...  
Gamzee's brother came.  
,...

He addicted to heroine!

DUN DUN DUUUN.


	4. Chapter 4

It was **KURLOZ, gamzee's crack headed brother who is also a mime.**

Everyone from the party stopped dancing. They all looked at him.

" DAMMIT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKASS AT DOOR. I AM MAKING OUT WITH **SOLLUCKS** NOW."

Gamzee couldn't believe it. He drops his dong and walks to brother with disabilities.

" kurloz" he says " your motherfuckin back!"

Kurloz signs " i was in rehab"

" why motherfucker?"

Kurloz signs "i iz a crack head"

Gamzee crays purple tears._ he cray so hard._  
" motherfucker, I told you to stop sniffin that motherfuckin **_white stuff_**"

Kurloz signs " what else should I do?"

He give bong to kurloz.

" Smoke MoThErFuCkIn weed bro. Its full of miracles"

And so forth, Kurloz smoked that pot and joined the party.

YES. **Totally in character**.

THEN ERIDAN CAME WEARING HIS PURPLE WEAVE AND SILVER SPANDEX AND GOLD AND PURPLE HIGH HEELS. HE WANTED TO POP SHIT WITH SOLLUX FOR STEALIN THE KARKAT AWAY FROM HIM.

His home girl fef was in car waiting outside. She was also piss in the glub.

Karkat tells Eridan to get the fuck out. Eridan does not get the fuck. He just got his nails done over today.

" sol you don't derserve Kar as much as I do. We belong together like that mariah Carey song." Sollux gets up to stand up to eridan. He's tired of that hipster being in his love life.

" fuckass don't fight him! I will protect you from that fuckass".

Sollux slaps shit.

He lissps, " KK, I got this".

And they fought and purple weave was flying everywhere and everyone was high and everything was pot.

Eridan tries to put is weave back in place. He los battle.

" I'll be back". He switchesas he walks out the door. " Swwag bitches!"

And drove off with his home gURL fef.

Party was over :( AWWW.


	5. Chapter 5

Today, Kark-Ass depress.

He was sad that eridan keep intercoursing his love life. And Sollux stressed out becuz of this. And cannot lose the weight he wanted to lose.

He grab a bowl of ice cream and mixed some weed in it. He sat down on his couch to continue watching a dramatic romcom. Gamzee was on the other end of the couch, trying to smoke the ice cream. He gives a quick glance at karkat and continued smoking his ice cream.

Nepeta was licking out the toilet because she was being cat. That why.

Then someone knocks on the door. It was Tavors. He was also having relationship issue that nobody gave shit nut karkat let's him in becuz that was his nigga.

" Travos what the fuck goin on with you fuckass?" karkat ask him, going back to couch potato.

" Vriska is being abusive"

This piss Karkat off. He drop ice cream bowl and _**SLAP SHIT GAMZEE BONG!**_.

karkat tells gamzee that he should tell vriska to stop abusive tacos. Hamzee said he like taco.

So karkat gather all his home gurlz after school and they drove around block to see if they see Vriska.

They hop out car. Vriska hop out sidewalk. They be gittin' it poppin.

Until john and dave came and tells everyone horrible news.

" everyone" Dave says ironically " Aradia dead "

DUN DUM FUN.

Cliffganger.


	6. Chapter 6

Hasently, Karkat drove his home girls to the hospital, including Dave and john and Jane and jade and dirk and Roxy and Jake and rose and. In unison they ran to aradia's hospital bed where she died.

The doctor came. She says " Its too late...we tried everything we can to save her..."

" what happened to her" tavros says.

" last night, her face imploded"

They crey. karkat slap shit john who had a sex with her. Equius turned away, blue tear rolling down his face dramatically. He walked out. He could not bare to see her death since they had a sexualful love life.

" we should've been there before she died" said Dave crying hard in tavros wheelchair.

They make out in sadness. John watch in jealousy, even though he believe he is not a homosexual.

Everyone quiet until gamzee sex.  
" we all should smoke some pot and think about this..."

They all agreed and depressingly smoked weed. Its a sadstuck moment so be sad.

And it's going to become sadder. Sollux went with Eridan as boyfriend!

Karkat depressed again. All her friends hugged around her, even Tavros who wheelchair caught on fire.

"...don't cray" equius tells him softully.

"...I won't cray.." he responds softully.

They all together cray.  
Sadstuck moment :'(

All together they went home after visiting hours are up. Karkat still depress. His home girls no not what to do, but watch him cry.

".. ..I cray" karkat sobbed sobb.

" I cray too" gamzee sex while wiping his tears with his blunt wrap.

" I cray so hard" equiuuas sex after sex.

Karkat now deals with Aradias face implosion or if Sollux will be boyfrended. But he sad and mad cuz Sollux has boyfrended Eridan. Carcat sibbed sobb even more.

" I cray..."

But then jade says karkals dint be sad. You need to move on.

Karkat got angry.

" NO!1! I loved him FUCKA$S!111112!"

" but karkat you no longer give him boner" equius says.

" I know but I still have fellings for that man"

" gamzee says" we should kill that bitch for stillin' yo .

Every.

It was a good dwa.

" I have an idea" karkat says getting evil inside.

" what is your idea" says john

" we should kill her"

Everyone gasped except for John because stupid he. And Dirk said it was cool.

To be continue!


	7. Chapter 7

Another skool day.

KARKAT wakes up in tears becuz of that stupid bitch fuckass eridan in his nightmare. He cries out his room and storms into his roommate room. He gamzee MoThErFuCkEr slaps makeup and tells him about his sadstuck.

Gamzee sat there to cumfart him. Karkat cried heavily in the juggalo shits arm

" I will that fuckassed"

" so we kill that motherfucker today?"

" yes. But now I got better Idea" karkat told MoThErFuCkEr.

" what is it karbro?"

" Gamzee I want you to stop smoking weed..."

Gamzee was in shit.  
( sorry grammar mistake lol)

GAMZEE WAS IS SHOCK!

" karbro I can't stop mOtHeRfUcKiN' smoke pot. I NEED MY POT" sob.

"Hamzee" karkat twerked."you have to stop smoking..."

"Okay karbro...I will stop smoking pot " he throw bong out window. Car crashes everywhere.

" let's kill that bitch fuckass"

So they left there home to go to skaia college. Standing in front of building was eridan and Sollux. Equius was there to trying to pop shit with them.  
He sees karkat twerk across street like always. Equius twerk back.  
" Karkat!" equius says sweatingly. He smile through broken teeth. " I'm glad you've arrived. That fish ho won't leg go of your man. I was about to get it poppin'"

Karkat pap pap.  
" Equius girl, don't get involved with that fuckass. Me and gamzee got this fuckass. You spent too much boondollar on that pack of blue weave to get it messed up. Now get your fine ass out of here." And equius did.

Sox Paptorjesus...Solx Apterjegus...dam it I keep making grammar mistakes.

Sollux Captorjesus look away imbarrassingly.  
" I'm sorry kk..." he lisps.

GASP. AND HE's skinny!  
Karkat didn't believe this shit.  
That fish ho goin' down nigga.

" nigga step aside", karkat tells raptorjeses." Gamzee, get that fuckass!"

Gamzee turned sober and killed the fuck out of Eridan! PURPLE WEAVE AND PURPLE BLOOD EVERYWHERE!

( New headcanon: When gamzee don't got hiz weed, he becomes psycho juggalo )

Now that eridan dead, Sollux wants to be Karcrotches boyfrend.  
Karjat said no. He now wanted Sollux as his friend again.  
" why kk?"

" becuz fuckass. There comes a time"..." when you love the fuck out of something, let it ass"

Sollux had a tear in his eye because it was so inspirationen.,

" I understand kk..."

Karkat found a new boyfriend now.

It was gamzee.

To be cunillingousus...


	8. A new saga

A few weeks has pass. Gamzee did not kill Eridan. Eridan changed his fish hoe ways and became Karkat, Gamzee's and Sollux's best friend. He still wear his weave though because it makes him look fly. He also stopped hanging out with Feferi because she now dead from face implosion. Vriska died from face implosion and Tavros is now a free paraplegic. He can now start a sexual love life with Dave. John fell in love with Diamond Droog and now they're rich billionaiares in los vegas. Besides, no one gave a shit about Vriska's ass in this story anyways. Kanaya never appeared in the story, but Im going let you know that she died as well from face implosion. They all graduated from Skaia College and now live their lives as full adults. Karkat is happy that Gamzee is now his new love in his life. They smoke pot together, they watch romcom and lifetime together, they twerk together, and whip their hair back and forth together, and they resterant to together and eat.

That was...until...

**TEXT MESSAGE:**

**from terezi:**

**DEAR KARKAT,**

**I HEARD YOU'RE WITH GAMZEE, THAT'S FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE I'M IN RELATIONSHIP WITH GAMZEE YOU ASSHOLE YOURE NOT BETTER BOYFRIEND THAN I BECAUSE I AM BOYFRIEND WITH GAMZEE ASSHOLE IF I SEE YOU I WILL START POPPIN SOME GHETTO SHIT AND YO WEAVE WILL BE FLYING EVERYWERE YOU HEAR ME ASSHOLE?! I WILL WHOOP YOUR ASS IN FRONT OF HIM BITCH SO COME START SOME GHETTO SHIT WITH ME AND WE WILL BE GETTIN' IT POPPIN YOU HEARD HOE? OH YEAH YO SCARED HOE CUZ THAT WEAVE YOU BOUGHT YOU GOT FROM DUMBSTER BITCH I WILL KILL YOU BITCH IF YOU LAY ONE HAND ON GAMZEE BITCH FUK YOU FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKASSES BITCH. I WILL RIPP THAT WEAVE FROM YO BALD ASS HEAD BITCH WATCH ME BITCH ASSHOLE.**

* * *

Uh. Gamzee you got explainin; to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Reply:

FIRST OF ALL FUCKASS I DONT WEAR NO WEAVE. YOU DONT KNOW ME LIKE THAT. WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE FUCKASS?!

Terezi:

HO3! YOU B3 STUP1D! GAMZEE IS YOU HEAR ME? IM BLIND AND I DRESS BETTER THAN YOU LOOK GOOD AND BE GETTIN MONEY SO YOU CAN BACK OFF FROM HIM K?

Karkat:

LISTEN FUCKASS, I BEEN WITH THIS MAN SINCE WE BEEN IN COLLEGESTUCK SO DONT BE GETTING IT TWISTED

Terezi:

IM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS BITCH HOE! IM GONNA BRING MY SISTER AND HER TWO HOME GIRLS TO FIGHT YOU TOMMOROW NIGHT AND WE SEE WHO IS BETTER LOVER!

Karkat throws phone to the wall. He can't believe what that blind bitch said. He was putting hair curlers in hair, facial mask, and bathrobe and slipper on until this hoe text him. He was so angry that he fuckassed. He storms in gamzees room and wakes him up. He wanted so badly to beat shit out if clown.

"GAMZEE," karkat contarded.

" WAKE UP!1!1"

" WAKE THE F UP FYCKA55!"

Gamzee wakes up with bong; n ham.

" Karbro sweet?y, what the motherfu-"

Karkat slap fuckass jugallo.

" NO MUTHERFOCKER NOTHING ME! GAMZEE, I LOST MY VIRGINIA TO YOU! I GAVE YOU MY HEART TO YOU AND I GAME MY WEED TO YOU AND WHAT FUCK I GET IN THE END?! OH SOME BLIND BETCH TELLING ME YOU IZ HER MAN AND NOT MINE!1!1"

" karbro..love I Can explain..."

" WELL EXPLAIN MOFO"

" she my obsessed ex-kismesis bro. She want me back. And been obseess ever since"

" WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS OMF-"

" I she was mOtHeRfUcKiN'' done with me!"

" AND NOW SHE GONNA BRING HER POSSE TO FIGHT ME! "

" Latula?"

" FUCK WHO?"

" MoThErFuCkIn latula bro. That my exes sister. She can whoop ass"

" gonna fight fire with fire fuckass ".

Karkat uses bong for fone and calls his brother kankri.

SIHT BOUT TO GET REAL


	10. Chapter 10

**FONE TALK:**

Kankri: Yes, Karkat, what's wrong?

Karkat: KANKRI, I NEED YOU TO COME OUT HERE AND WHOOP ASS TOMMOMOROW NITE!

Kankri: Well, that would be a bit prude for me to do, but why do you want me come out there for? Who are you beefin' with?

Karkat: ( fixes hair curlers as he talk on bong ) SOME BITCH NAMED DELTRISE.

Kankri: Who?

Karkat: SOME BITCH NAMED DELTRISE CLAIMIN' THAT GAMZEE STILL HER BOYFRIEND. NOW SHE WANT TO FIGHT ME WITH HER SISTER AND HER SISTER'S HOME GIRLS.

Kankri: Well, I won't stand for that shit. I'll bring Porrim and Damara with me.

Karkat: Okay. I'll call Equius to see if he can bring his brother to fight this bitch too.

**( BONG HANGS UP )**

Karkat had never so piss of with this ridickulous shit.

" What the motherfuck happened, bro?" gamzee sexed.

" Nigga, is Kurloz still around here? "

Gamzee sexed his head, " Yeah..why motherfucker?"

" You fuckass! wee nedd that mute crack head to fight with us! "

" Okay, he can come..who else we need?"

" You think Mituna and Cronus want to be gettin' it poppin?"

" Let's call them "

**FONE TALK WITH DESPIRATION MAN:**

Eridan: wwho the glub is this?

Karkat: Fuckass you know who bitch this is!

Eridan: Oh karkat its you. guess wwhat!

Karkat: what fuckass...

Eridan: i bought new weave today and it has purple highlights.

Karkat: eridan i don care right nao.

eridan: then wwhat is it you wwant?

Karkat: SOME BITCH NAMED TEREZI TEXT ME SAYING THAT GAMZEE _HER MAN_ AND NOW SHE WANT TO START SOME SHIT TOMMOROW AND GET GAMZEE BACK!

Eridan: Wwell, me and Cronus wwill be there!

Karkat: Good fuckass see you tommorow.

**(PHON HANG UP )**

**FON TALK WITH SOLLUX:**

Sollux: who ith thith

Karkat: Me fuckass. Don't you know a bong phone whin you know it?

Sollux: Oh so what do you want kk?

Karkat: SOLLUX, YOU WON'T BELEEVE THIS CRAY SHIT.

Sollux: what is it kk?

Karkat: SOME BITCH NAME TEREZI TEXT ME RIGHT? SAYING THAT GAMZEE HER GIRLFRIEND AND THAT SHE WANT TO FUCKASS SHIT ME TOMMOROW NITE.

Sollux: kk..._you cereal_?

Karkat: I AM CEREAL AS STROKE FUCKASS!

Sollux: no one is gonna mess with my kk!

Sollux: we have to do osmething about this.

Karkat: COME AND BRING MITUNA WITH YOU. CRONUS AND ERIDAN IS COMING. AND MY BROTHER IS BRINGING PORRIM AND DAMARA. WE ALL BOUT TO GET IT POPPIN' WITH THESE FUCKASSES!

Sollux: Im gonna tell Tavros to bring Rufioh now.

Sollux: kk equius gotta know about this shit.

Karkat: Imma tell him now!

**( HNG PHON BONG )**

**EQUIUS:**

**Equius: D- Yes?**

**Karkat: Equius!**

**Equius: Karkat, what is wrong?**

**Karkat: Equius my home gurl, you wont believe what happened!**

**Equius: Yes, I heard. The lowblood just called me about it.**

**Karkat: Yeah, you bringing your brother horuss with you?**

**Equius: Karkat, I'm already on it. Just Nepeta's sister meulin about it. She will arrive tommorow.**

**Karkat: Thanks, fuckass. We're about to get it poppin! She better bring her deaf ass out to start swinggin'.**

**( TALK END )**

* * *

FINALE ON THE WAY.


	11. Chapter 11

Karkat wakes up next to Gamzee in morning. They were snuggle together. He open red eyes to look intoo Gamzee purple eye.

He says " good mornin' fuckass" and kisses juggalllo on the 4chords.

gamzee reply " mornin' motherfucker". He sits up, naked. Only sheet covering his lower half. They must of sexed last nite.

Gamzee got up to go to bathroom.  
He shower.  
Karkat gets out of the bed in his sexy red nightgown.  
He gets up to take hair curlers out and brushes hair.

Nepeta curled up in Karkat's lap. Karkat pet nepeta. They both get up and went kitchen. Karkat cocked breakfast. Gamzee came out shower and at brekfast. Sexy morning.

Someone knocks on their door. Nepeta jumps out window. Car crashes everywhere.

Karkat opens door. It was his brother Kankri, wearing his red sweater. Both Porrim and Damara at his side with weapons in their hands. Porrim had a kitchen knife and Damara had a bag with a bar of soap in it and she was smoking a cigerette as she swung her ballbags around. Did I mention that Kankri popping a razor with tongue mouth? He also brought his gun with him. You know why? He triggered.  
( lol kankri pun is win )

" karcock!" Kankri says happily to see his little brother. " I brought my posse to in gage in this battle."

この後kankriは、我々はすべて一緒にセクシーな時間を持っている必要があります上にある! says Damara.

Kankri nods with sexy smile and go back to the karkat.

" Tell me where that bitch is at?" Ask.

" fuckass" karkat yell. " the fatality start toonot "

Porrim says " can we come on in" with her vampire tongue flicking.

Karkat nods and let them in. He kept door open cuz like I said: gamzee be smoking that shit. And the apt n33d to air out.


	12. Chapter 12

The final showdown was about to arrive. Karkat and his home girls all came with their older siblings to help fight. When they all saw Terezi with her posse, they all erected their weapons. Karkat erected his fuckass, Gamzee erected his bag of weed, Sollux erected the saggy fat that flapped around on his arms like he was Free Willy or something, Eridan erected his pack of purple expensive weave, Tavros erected his wheelchair, Equius erected his twerk, Nepeta erected her nepeta, Dirk erected his sugoi, Jake erected his tipity tippington adventure, Roxy erected her drunkness, Jane erected her cooking, John erected his homosensualities with Diamonds Droog, Dave erected his irony, Jade erected her, Jade erected her, Rose erected her cthulu, Kurloz erected his chuckledoodoos, Mituna erected his retardation, Cronus erected his cooked cigarettes, Rufioh erected his dong whatever, Equius erected his dong whatever that means, Meulin erected her deaf, Damara erected dong, Porrim erected her knife, AND KANKRI ERECTED HIS GUN AT THEM.

Triggered? Why yes, yes he is.

" we'll,well well Karkles actually came" terezi tourettes. Karkat whipped his fuckass in her blind face.

" YES I DID FUCKASS! AND I BROUGHT MY HOME GIRLS WITH ME FUCKASS!"

" Ew" said sassy Latula " He didn't have to be dunst about it"

Everyone gasped. Sollux flapped his extra fat his man tit on KK and said to him, ". Kk...you gonna take that?!"he kudos like AO3.

" Oh yeah fuckass? It takes a dunst to know a dunst!" He replied in a reversed cowgirl.

Gamzee behind him was like " OOOOOOOOOO" and Tavros was like "OOOOOOOOOOOOO". Equius gave him a twerk five and he twerk fived him back. Everything was good.

" oh yeah? How about you go to the bald guy that didn't smoke anddis wanted he was a leg"

" oh yeah? " karkat flip dipped. " you aren't a good sex".

" OOOOOOOOOOOOOO" everyone contarted.

Then Gamzee joined in, " Your momma so fat, she smoked pot!"

"Ooooooooooooooo" said tavros chearing him on. Both Dirk and Dave had thigh high sugoi sexy baka stridercest makeouts as a reaction too. Eridan wwaved his wweavve around as a vvictory!

" oh yeah?" Said latula " you so ugly, you GRTRR"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . That was all that was heard. Karkat begin to feel like a looser to this fight. He began to cry red mutant tears because he was sad about being a loser. Then, there was an actual miracle that happened. Sollux threw his other tit fat on Karkats shoulder, he creeps up on his neck and lisps " kk...you musnt let them diss you. I live in you."

Karkat heard the words of ex boyfriend.

He says " OH YEAH? THATS WHY..."

Everyone wait for it.

" YOURE A FUCKASS,...FUCKASS".

9OOOOOOOGHIOOOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO .

" Terezi, should we kick in his ass?!" meenah erected between them.

" Y34H!" she pulls out her cane and began beating the shit out of Karkat. WUT? Yo, Karkat started swingin' like he be gettin' it poppin'. Meenah is in the air, ready to jump his as well. " Kk I got you" said dollux hitting meenah back with his tit flab. Gamzee hits her with his bag of weed. Tavros ran over aranea. Dirk and Dave still are making out in a sugoi kawaii Baka desu way. Latula snatched Eridans we out his head and he was unable to fight because of it. Kankri was trigger happy. Porrim just stood there. Latula snatched her weave out and snatched

Solluxs weave out too. They were unable to fight too and when rufioh and horuss charged at her, she snatches his weave out and horuss's weave out too. Bitch be snatchin weaves like a ninja. Cronus got his weave snatched out, mituna got his weave snatched out. Dirk and Dave still making out.

Will Karkat defeat latula Terezi and there weave snatch in army?!


	13. THE END

Faygo.  
Fat sollux.  
Weave snatchin'  
The cooked cigurettes.  
Everything...had a connection.

He saw Equius doing a STRONG fart and it was full of miracles. Sollux and Eridan...they became their love children. Kentucky Fried Chicken and Roasted Fuckass. Karko saw all that is cray.

"Connection...we all have a connection."

" Karbro..."

"KARBRO!"

" Karbro...wake the motherfuck up!"

" ...fuckass...don't touch my hairy fuckass..."

" Aw shit, man! "

Gamzoo pulled out bong breathing machine.  
" karbro, you're going to have to smoke this pot to breathe!"

Karkot flailed arms like he was sexual harassed by buckets.  
" no, you fuckass! No! I refuse to smoke your pot, fuckass!"

Gamzee puts the medicated bong to his face and let karkat breathe in and out of it.  
" that's right, karbro...smoke the pot."

Karkat slaps machine and jumps up.  
" FUCKING FUCKASS!"

He looked around...and EVERYONE WAS VANISHED LIKE TADAH.  
" Gamzee,..." he menstruated. "...what happened?..."

Gamzee touched ass.  
" You passed out from so much weaves bein' MoThErFuCkIn' snatched..."

Karkat touched his head. Then the dick touched.  
( lol he forget he didn't have weave )  
He look at gamzee with crying in his red eyes..." and..what else happened, fuckass?"

Gamzee wiped his tear with tissue he had saved in his pocket.  
" Everyone went home to smoke some mOtHeRfUcKiN' pot, bro~"

"So...Everyone is gone.." he cried even more." GAMZEE..."

" Yeah, karbro?"

" WE DONT HAVE NO MORE WEED FUCKASS!12"

Gamzee cried with him too but with crying dramatic tears out pouring from his despair crying eye.  
" I mOtHeRfUcKiN' know, Karbro! I WISH I HAD POT, TOO AND SMOKE WITH THE OTHERS "

Then karkat looked at tissue, still crying the bitch tit in his titfuck.  
" FUCKASS, WHAT DID YOU USE THIS TISSUE FOR BEFORE YOU GAVE IT TOE CRY MY EYES IN.?."

Gamzee stared out like a jugallp shit. " I MOtHeRfUcKiN' wiped my butt with it, bro!"

"..." Karkat crayed really hard even more." He rested and cried on juggalo shit's bitchtits. Gamzoo shooshedpapped him." GAMZEE!"  
" It's okay, karbato. Gamzees mOtHeRfUcKiN' here..."

" Gamzee...I...I...want to home now" he crayed. Gamzee picks him up and shooshes him even more.

" when we get home..well smoke some more pot...okay?"

Karkat nodding, happy that the feud was oven and that he was in the safety of his fuckass jugallo bitches arms. Everyone was good, pot solved the answer. Karkat and Gamzee went their happy path. They walked through the streets where weave have been snatched out.

**_End_**.

* * *

**Well, Karkat and Gamzee story is done. They got through all the bullshit and finally, had an ending. :')**

**Wait till you see Sollux and Eridan's love story.**


	14. equius short epic story

A random story narrated by Equius Zahhak.

Once upon time, there lived this highblood named Equius.

His love for horses became so STRONG that he declared it as a STRONG horse love and he died from a stroke for no apparent reason.

Nepeta also peed exquisitely on his head.

The end.

* * *

Now back the the story, going on act two.


	15. biggining of act two

ACT TWO: The Wwheh Adventures of Eridan Ampora

After the showdown with Terezi and her sister, Eridan was in critical condition and in hospital because he got his stank ass weave snatched out.

He had no money to afford more weave. So he cry all day.

Sollux captorjegus broke up with and went his own path because he no had bag of Dorito.

So eridam was all himself all night crying oceans of salting sadness.

His bro Cronus called homn asking him if he wanted to smoke pot with him. Erisam went freaky ghetto, curse him out and hung up da phone.

He had no time smoke pot because it reminded him of the time he use to light the edges if his weave and smoke it. And bleh why would he smoke pot?! He hates smoking pot.

And he hated latula for snatching out his weave.

He on the da phong now with karkat so stfu now:

WHAT IS IT FUCKASS, YOU CALL TO ASK OF BORROWING MY BAGS OF FUCKASS?

no kar

i call to ask if you swwingin with that good shit

...THE CRACKS?

no kar i don't smoke the cracks

THEN WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FUCKASS? IM BRUSHING GAMZEE'S FUCKASS, FUCKASS!

i wwas wwonderin if you havve some wweavve

NO FUCKASS. I DONT FUCKASSING WEAR WEAVE.

Kar but its urgent

ERIDAN LOOK

I KNOW ITS HARD

kar...i need my wweavve

ERIDAN YOURE NOT IN THIS ALONE

MY BROTHER KANKRI

HIS ASS WEAVE

ITS...GTRR!

nnoooooiiiibtxddsx Karen nooo

BUT I FEEL YOUR PAIN FAKEASS

ANYWAY I DONT HAVE ANY WWEAVVE AND NEED TO FINISH WIPING GAMZEES BUTT

okay Kar...

* hang up the phone*

and the royal bald nigga sat there crying the entire in his eyes. Becayse he has no weave on his head.

To be continue,


	16. Chapter 16

Three days later, Eridan was still cryiny.

The phone rings.

Eridong stops his cry.

He answers it, and he gaspads.

It was sollux chapter...

"What do you want? " Eridan masterbategs.

"Look, Eridan, ...You're the best MasterSpit I had in my life..." he ringalings and lisps " To make it up to you, I bought us some Chinese food..."

" but sol..." eridan says " I have no weave..."

He cried hard "I AM A BALD!"

" its okay" sollux lisps " you look fuckin sexy with or without yo weave..."

Eridan cried." Oh sol you made me the happiest dong in the world!"

Then sollux came over.

They kissed.

They ate some Chinese food.

Made sweet love then ate more Chinese food.

That night, they slept with each other . Even though eridan was now a bald.  
But he whipped dat bald back and forth with confederation.

The next morning...

They wake up in eschatology eyes.  
Eridan kissed his Dorito as Sollux kissed Eridan's bald.

Erisan got up to cook breakfest for him. Sollux waits at table and watch him cook. Eridan hands him a plate of delicious wweh and Cronus's amazing cooked cigarettes.

Yo that shit was slammin'

Then eridan as was at the stove cooking some fuckass and wires, Sollux went to get his attention.

" Eridan.."

Eridan turned around with a plate full of cooked bald and weave.  
" yes, sol?" He questionationed.

" I thonk I have something secret to tell you.."

" what is dong?" Eridan donged like a bald.

*wrong. Sorry.

" I..."

Sollux flipped the table. " ERIDAN, I GOT THE CHINESE FOOD PREGNANT!"

...to be continued.


	17. Chapter 17

" Sol,...wwhat did you just...say.."

Sollux huffed out " I...got the Chinese food pregnant, ED!"

Eridan dropped the flying pan of the shit and bald and bald his way to captorjesus and he jumped on the table and kicked the shit out of Sollux.  
" YOU WWHAT?!"

Eridam cannot afford to take car of Chinese food babies. He had shit to pay for like rent and shit.

Sollux gets up shaking.  
" ERIDAN, WHAT THE FUCK!"

" Sol! Wwhy wwould you do this to me?!"

" Eridan, I can explain!"

Eridan throws his cooked cigerettes at him.

" Eridan,stop!"

He slaps sollox.

" ERIDAN!"

He hits him with his bald.

" ERUDAN! LET ME FUCKING EXPLAIN! PLEASE!"

He throws his dong.

" ERIDAN, WHY DO YOU KEEP HIDDING ME WITH SHIT?!"

Eridan glares down at him, crying and drowling and snot hanging out.

Wweh.

" Sol! YOU SAID THAT LOVVED ME FOREVVER!"

Sollux get up and tries to clam him down.

" Eridan, I do love you.."

" NO YOU DONT SOL! YOU GOT THE CHINEGE FOOD PREGNANT!"

Sollux holds him by his bald good bye " ED...were you smoking the cracks?"

" YES SOL I WWAS SMOKING THE CRACKS!" he farted hard with his leg up in the air.

" ED..."

"Sol...tell me wwhere that bitch is at..."

" What?"

"TELL ME WWHERE THAT WWHORE IS AT"

Eridan marched into the bathroom and sees half eaten Chinese food on the bed. He takes it and throws it down the steps.

" ERIDAN!" Captorjesus cried " YOU CANT DO THAT SHES PREGNANT!"

"WWELL" eridan points to the food." TELL THAT BITCH TO GET HER TUBES TIDE!"

" SOL I WWANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE! I CANT AFFORD TO TAKE CARE OF BAGELS!"

Sadly, sol packed all his things, including the pot and cooked weave and dong and he was thrown down the steps with his girl. Him and the Chinese food promised that they be together and have a happy future. As they leave to the sunset, eridan wweh so hard, his bald was crying.

He donged and closed the door.

To b continue


End file.
